#BigRonFilmReviews

An Expansion of the famous #BigRonFilmReviews twitter hashtag - because 140 characters is seldom enough.
My Hyperbole is my own, later to be contradicted and refuted.

Just ask man- Twitter -Faceache -Film of the Month -The Ronnies -Kevin Smith -Quentin Tarantino -Harry Potter -Next pageArchive

How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014)

Goooood. Review here

We own the Night (2007)
Nightclub Manager Joaquin Phoenix lives too closely to the criminal underworld and manages a club for some shady geezers. Problems arise however when his Cop Father and Brother start looking at his club and the people that frequent it…
A blood is thicker than water, family loyalty exploration piece with some tension, a fair amount of drugs, occasional violence and very convincing performances.
Phoenix is in fine form in almost a duel role going from strung out drug addicted idiot to pretty much all action hero. Eva Mendes oozes sex appeal throughout whilst Robert Duvall and Mark Walhberg offer great support.
A decent 80s set New York crime drama meets Police procedural.
“If you piss in your pants, you only stay warm for so long”.
"Yeah, you keep thinking about my girlfriend while you’re fucking your fat fucking wife!"
"You know a Cop that got hit today? You think that was coincidence?"
"We have all their names, on a list"
"What about your girlfriend, she knows about you right?"
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Dawn of the Planet of the Apes (2014)

Oooh it’s Dances with Wolves only rather than Indians we have awesome looking mo-cap monkey’s with machine guns. I’m in.
10 years after the first one and mankind is pretty much wiped out, only 1 in 500 have survived. Meanwhile Cesar’s apes have thrived. Mankind’s only hope of power comes from a dam in Ape territory… The problem is Apes and Man do not mix well.
As eluded to above Jason Clarke and his family enter the Ape’s village and quicky go native whist those around them monger for war through fear, hatred and lack of understanding. Classic racism allegory of course.
The story goes a little baggy in places but overall I was happy with the pacing and the pivotal moments through unsurprising we’re well handled.
The main thing about this movie is the visuals. Serkis yet again proves he’s king of his domain but may have a challenger in Nick Thurstan - whether Actor or Computer the emotion portrayed by the Ape Blue Eyes is occasionally heartbreaking. There is a scene involving a rotating tank turret that was just awesome, right up there with the parachute jump in Godzilla in my most memorable images this year. And as for the Baby Ape? How cute is that little bastard? I want one.
Really enjoyed the first outing of this rebooted series and enjoyed this one only a little bit less.
"You are not ape!"
"Ape not kill Ape".
"A good man. Like you".
"Human Gun!"
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bigronfilmreviews:

Rise of the planet of the apes (2012)

A brilliant reboot of the franchise, far superior to the abandoned 2001 project (although I quite enjoyed that one too).

It all seems incredibly feasible, tying in with the treatment of alzheimer’s, in fact i’m genuinely concerned that the Apes could actually rise against us!

There are some really sad moments. The scene when Ceasar carves a window on to his captivity wall is just heartbreaking as is Caesar’s fight with the other Apes. He’s neither Ape nor Human which sparks the revolution.

James Franco is as good as ever and it’s always nice to see Brian Cox in anything plus Tom Felton (Malfoy) really does play an excellent bastard.

The classic morality tale. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. Do not, piss off the monkey. Keep watching when the credits start rolling. Looking forward to the continuation of the series.

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Just about to go into Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
Labor Day (2014)A melancholy Kate Winslet has been heartbroken and reclusive sinceAgent Coulsen left her and her Son but finds a new lust for life whenescaped convict Josh Brolin enters her life….We’re deep in anti-romance-drama territory here, lots of pensive musicand meaningful starring but it’s….. ok. Of course the convictedmurderer is actually good bloke and he’s handy to have about, hecooks, he mends, he cleans and even coaches baseball.
The fundamental problem is of course that this story was always doomed which undermines the tension of potential capture. Also the baby stuff was just upsetting and whilst explaining Winslet’s catatonic state we could have done without it.
Heavy on cliché, in the main predictable and not a movie to make youthink but fairly watchable. 
"I’m a lot stronger than you think!""Nothing misleads people like the truth".
"Is he even my son?".
"Phone rings while you’re making a crust? Just let em call you back".
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The Replacements (2000)
When the Pro players go on strike over money they are replaced by a ragtag gang of misfits for the final four games. 
Yep it’s an underdog story with a renegade Cop, a couple of Doormen, a deaf guy, a Sumo wrestler, a Janitor, a (real) footballer and of course Keanu Reeves coached by Gene Hackman - yep i’m in.
Familiar story arc, things go badly, bonds are formed and things go better. Keanu does his thing, John Favreau is decent as the über aggressive cop and Rhys Ifans is hamming it up bigstyle in a role that probably should have gone to Vinnie Jones.
Not a classic sports movie but all the usual stuff is here owner interference, slowmo action, too much testosterone, comedy pratfalls and a sideline love story.
It’s not as good but it reminded me of Major League a little in tone - and that’s no bad thing.
"I’m wiry"
"Is lapdancing a style?"
"I want the ball!"
"But can he catch?"
"Hey Falco. You’re not even a hasbeen, you’re a neverwas!".
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How to Train Your Dragon 2 (2014)
Five Years on and Hiccup & Toothless are back, reunited with his long lost Mother and battling to save Berk and their Dragons from a Twisted Dragon Lord type guy.
Yeah, it’s pretty good. They’ve picked up on what worked well in the first one and really focussed on it.
There are loads and loads more dragons, big ones, small ones, bloody huge ones, flappy ones, swoopy ones, firey ones, icey ones and cute baby ones. They’ve very much made dragons Viking’s best friend and being a huge dog lover I think that works perfectly. Toothless is a fantastic sidekick and they canine-ised him brilliantly, I just lapped up his relationship with Hiccup.
Like every good animation its a great balance of  tension, suspense, sadness, and lovely swooping action to go along the humour you expect. Borrowing on occasion from Godzilla and maybe Avatar it really works and I enjoyed it end to end.
“This is why I never married…… Well, this and one other reason.”.
"Save the Dragons".
"Toothless.. You know that doesn’t wash out!".
“You’re as beautiful as the day I lost you”
“Well, now you know where I get my dramatic flair”.
“Itchy Armpit it is”.
“I’ll bloody his fist with my face if he tries to take my dragon!”
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How to Train Your Dragon (2010)
Hiccup voiced by Jay Baruchel, son of the Viking Chief. His destiny is to follow in his Father’s footsteps as a great Dragonslayer. Unfortunately he is typically awkward and much more interesting in inventions and the like. When much like the book and terrible movie Eragon he befriends a Dragon an exciting, entertaining, amusing tale that is not without mild peril ensues. 
A charming tale set in a mythical world of Dragons and Vikings. This is all about the bond between the young boy and his friend - I would imagine there is a commentary on racism or similar in here too but crucially is a fantastic kids film enjoyed by an adult.
Really enjoyable - I think i’ll check out number 2.
“I wouldn’t kill him, because he looked as frightened as I was. I looked at him and I saw myself.
“And my undies. Good thing I brought extras”.
“I knew it… I’m dead”.
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Shitty movie, shitty yet amusing song. Review here

(Source: Spotify)

The Selfish Giant (2013)
Oh wow, this is a goodun. A gritty, grimy tale of rough as arseholes Bradford lads that give up on school to scratch a living selling scrap metal…. sounds awful right? Nope - the opposite.
These two kids are fantastic, first time actors I believe and I would imagine local lads. These guys are abrasive, abusive, scally-wag Pikeys and if it’s not nailed down they will steal it (they probably will if it’s nailed down too).
The director does a fantastic job of creating an atmosphere for this movie, a realism, you can almost smell and taste the place they live in. A cold and ruthless place where everyone is on benefits and pretty much anything goes - including horse cart racing on what looks like a motorway. Unfortunately it just rings true, there are hopeless kids and hopeless places like this in the UK.
Whilst these people are the scum of the earth you still sympathise for them, care for their plight and empathise with their feelings as the story progresses to the fantastic ending.
I found this hugely compelling, very much in the Ken Loach wheelhouse with a touch of Shameless thrown in.
"I can fucking smell him!"
"We’ll look like fookin right div wi that!"
"I hate school. I’m a fookin scrapman me"
"We’ll werk fer ya!"
"Shoes off!"
"Daft cunt!"
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A Long Way Down (2014)
Nick Hornby’s tonally difficult book translated into tonally difficult film that I actually think benefits from the change in medium and the performances of it stars.
Four lost souls collide atop a tall building at Midnight on New Years Eve. Each have their own motivation to jump, shame, lost love, Cancer and to benefit their disabled son. An anti-suicide pact ensues and we end up with a rather nice story about people, friendship, healing, hope and despair.
The dark subject matter here shouldn’t work - I mean people being desperate enough to consider killing themselves is not funny (even to a sick bastard like myself) but it JUST about does. At least it works far better than the book, which is of course a rare thing.
The performances really help this movie. I caught the lousy Need for Speed the other night in which Poots and Paul were barely bearable and I feared for their careers. Here they both are wonderful. Poots hilarious and Paul dramatically solid. A downtrodden Mother is a well travelled road for Toni Colette and she is as reliable as ever. Brosnan meanwhile gives the kind of bumbling yet charming comedic performance you might expect from Bill Nighy.
Enchanting in places with clever dialogue lifted straight from the book, I giggled, I smiled and all in all enjoyed it.
"I’m not quite sure how to say this…. Are you going to be long?"
"Fuck the pact!"
"Who the fuck is John?"
"Colon would have been better!"
"We promise not to kill ourselves before Valentines Day!"
"I’ve taken some pills!"
"Has anyone ever told you you’re a bit of an idiot?"
"You’re a Paedophile! Like Martin!"
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Episode #76 of The Flicksation Podcast is up!

flicksation:

Eric, Ian, Robert, and Christian from The Third Act Podcast review and discuss the films LIFE ITSELF, SNOWPIERCER, LOCKE, and DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES. Chad calls in with his thoughts on the latest APES film, Ian Nichols launches a new film project, Christian leads us into the latest…

Mrs. Brown’s Boys D’Movie (2014)
Oh bloody hell. Sigh. I’m considering changing the name of my blog to #BigRonSlagsOfMovies.
I did not want to watch this movie. Time convenience and curiosity driven by this making it UK number 1 have driven me to make a very, very bad decision.
This is of course a very poor excuse for a movie. In the main Blokes dressed as women ceased to be funny in c1975 - I can’t imagine it was that funny then.
A TV star from a show I do not watch ends up in trouble with the Taxman and tries to save his/her market stall.
It’s lowbrow nonsense - in a bad way. It parodies a few superior films pushes a few boundaries by being just a little bit racist and is huge stinking turd of a movie.
I really didn’t even crack a smile, it’s maybe better than the Keith Lemon movie but probably not even that.
"Feck off!"
"Sometimes you’re as useless as a knitted condom"
"Does it involve Blind Ninjas?"
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Need for Speed (2014)
Oh Ron You didn’t? Yep. I did.
Vroooom, rrrrrrrooooar, screeech!!!!! Imagine the worst Fast and Furious movie ever and times it by like four.
Pathetic plot, little bit of romance, the odd laugh, some ridiculous stunts and several million road traffic violations.
Aaron Paul and his motley crew are ok to hang out with, Imogen Poots is kind of annoying but then she is given nothing to do. Michael Keaton is as is often the case the best thing in the movie.
Very poor ending yet brainlessly entertaining in a strange way. Exactly as I suspected - there is very little need for Need for Speed.
"Have a nice day you miserable bastards"
"Racers should race, cops should eat donuts"
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Despicable Me (2010)
Alright, alright, so whats the big deal with these movies and these minion things?
Set in a world of Super Villains, sinister plots and evil gadgetry, the Steve Carell voiced Gru is being out-evil-ed by a newcomer. Not to be undone he hatches a plan to steal the moon…
Gru is actually a hapless anti-villain rather than an anti-hero, in theory he’s a badguy but his heart is good and when he adopts so children to implement his plan he very quickly becomes a reluctant Father - to much amusement.
Good voice performances especially from Russell Brand.
Absolute nonsense of course but pretty good in a Wallace and Gromit meets multiple Bond Villains kind of a way. Good zany fun, the devices and antics are indeed enjoyable and the minions are rather brilliant.
“Assemble the minions!”
"You will not cry, or whine, or laugh, or giggle, or sneeze or barf or fart!”
"Get the shrikray, then we’ll talk".
"Argh. I hate that guy!"
"Cookie Robots!"
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